Politics

Bill Barr is saying Donald Trump dead to him

GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD.

Poor Donald Trump has been making his conspiracy lately (it’s like Jazzercise, but dumber) about how his appointed FBI Director Chris Wray and possibly even the Justice Department run by fascist bastard Bill Barr don’t help him with this choosing to steal Joe Biden any way he wants. He told Fox News’ Maria Bartiromo this weekend that maybe his own FBI and DOJ are literally plotting to steal his election. “This is total scam and like the FBI and the Justice Department – I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe they’re involved,” he said.

Well, it sounds like this, and maybe Trump has to go on Twitter and take Bill Barr back to the broken condom dispenser he found it in because Bill Barr announced to the Associated Press that Trump is completely dead to him and so is he was never the REAL Roy Cohn, even though he got Trump to think so.

Obviously those weren’t Barr’s exact words. His exact words were WORSE:

Attorney General William Barr said Tuesday the Justice Department had uncovered evidence of widespread electoral fraud that would alter the outcome of the 2020 presidential election. […]

In an interview with The Associated Press, Barr said U.S. attorneys and FBI agents worked to follow up certain complaints and information they received, but they found no evidence that could change the election result.

“To date, we have not seen any fraud of a magnitude that could have affected another election result,” Barr told the AP.

As a reminder, this is the same Bill Barr who, a few months ago, was absolutely ready to shit unreservedly about how China or some other foreign actor would just make fake postal ballot papers for Joe Biden based on the evidence he saw when he was him closed his eyes really tight and allegedly slapped his face repeatedly.

The point is, he was totally DTF when he helped Trump steal an election not so long ago. I think that has changed.

Barr even seemed to be referring specifically to the clowns Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani, who walked around swearing that the Venezuelan voting machines from Hugo Chavez would steal all Trump votes and give them to Joe Biden:

“There was one claim that would constitute systemic fraud and that would be the claim that machines were essentially programmed to skew the election results. And the DHS and DOJ have been investigating this, and so far we have not seen anything could prove this, “said Barr.

In other words, yes, if the raccoons in Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani’s brains escaped and they mate without tiny raccoon condoms and get pregnant with each other’s raccoon babies, then they have given the entire human population a severe new strain of hybrid rabies / herpes , that would be pretty bad! But Bill Barr saw no evidence of this.

BRB, we check Donald Trump’s Twitter feed every five seconds to see if he fired Barr. Nothing yet, BUT Trump pitifully begs America to watch his favorite One America News Network because his “legal” team is holding another “hearing” in Michigan on “election fraud”.

Trump’s “legal team” also issued a statement on Barr’s comments, and LOL THEY MAD:

“With all due respect to the attorney general, there has been no appearance of an investigation by the Justice Department. We have gathered ample evidence of illegal polls in at least six states that they have not investigated. We have many witnesses who swear under them.” Oath they saw crimes related to election fraud. As far as we know, not a single one was interviewed by the DOJ. “

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ETC.

Giphy

So this is what happens to all of this.

We’re sure this breaking news story has nothing to do with Barr’s Associated Press interview, of course:

According to the Associated Press announcement, there is no evidence of fraud that could alter the election results. Att … https://t.co/9S3Lacg5Rh

– Kaitlan Collins (@Kaitlan Collins) 1606851461.0

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

TO UPDATE: Oh good sir. Late breaking, obviously timed leak in the Wall Street Journal about something that apparently happened in October for no good godforsaken bullshit reason:

Attorney General William Barr has appointed U.S. Connecticut attorney John Durham as a special attorney to provide additional protection so that he can continue his investigation into the origins of the FBI’s 2016 investigation into Russia during the Biden administration. […]

In a letter to Congress Tuesday, Mr. Barr said he made the appointment on October 19 but delayed notifying lawmakers “given the proximity to the presidential election.”

The stupid Durham probe? LOLOLOL shut up. Because that went so well to achieve the ENTIRE EXONERATION goal of Trump beforehand.

Joe Biden should keep him just for shit and giggles.

[AP]

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