Politics

Tommy Tuberville vies for the stupidest Republican in the Senate, Prob somehow loses that to Vanderbilt

Go over there, Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, the dumbest Republican defending champion in the perennial Senate, and let yourself be pampered by Tennessee’s twin MENSA wizards Marsha Blackburn and Bill Hagerty.

Tommy Tuberville, the Senator from Auburn, is in town and wants to tell you why he can’t comment on all of this Marjorie Taylor Greene-Hullaballoo:

“I didn’t even look at what she did,” he told CNN producer Ted Barrett. “I would have to withhold an explanation. In this weather it was a little difficult to see news or whatever.”

Oh, hard the same. I can’t tell you how many times we were unable to fully reach Wonkette because of all the snow. Or rain. Or whatever the weather. “I can’t watch the news today, Rebecca, because of those righteous gullywashers we have,” we tell the Editrix most days.

Our nonprofit assumption is that Tuberville is as dumb as dog shit in the spring, and therefore unable to think on its feet like other elected Republicans do when asked about things like Donald Trump’s tweets (you know, back when he was allowed to use Twitter) or Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks September 11th is a fake and school shootings are a fake and Jewish space lasers are real and democratically elected officials should be executed.

Otherwise we would have to take him literally that he cannot read the news when it storms outside. That sounds like a disease that a licensed veterinarian would need to examine. Does he get anxious about a drop in air pressure? Does the trainer need a ThunderShirt?

Of course, since the election of Tuberville, it has been clear that there is a bleak storm in the man’s brain and little else. Shortly after the riots in the Capitol, Tuberville, who on January 6th had voted like a reliable little Trump fluffer for the overthrow of democracy and had nibbled on the main causes of the terrorist attack at the Trump Hotel the night before, thought that maybe we could do the inauguration just move. Why not just “curse” on January 20th and wait a while for the “inauguration”? The 20th Amendment to the US Constitution disagrees.

But this one is open to interpretation, and the senator’s office says he was only worried about COVID. It’s okay, he said a lot of stupid shit.

As then, he praised the bravery of his father, who fought in World War II and “liberated Paris from socialism and communism”. He also said that his father “fought in Europe 76 years ago to liberate Europe from socialism”. Apparently it wasn’t just Paris.

Or he thought at the time that the three branches of the US government were the “House, the Senate and the Executive”. Shortly before, in the same interview, he claimed that “our government was not set up for one group to have all three branches of government.” You know the House and the Senate and the Executive. These three branches. Which weren’t set up that way.

Or back then, Tuberville, the Alabama senator, was trying to explain what the voting law was:

“The thing about the suffrage thing is, you know, there are a lot of different things you can look at it for. Who is going to help it? Which direction do we have to go with it? I think it’s important that everything we do. ” Are we keeping ourselves safe? We keep an eye on it. It is run by our government, “Tuberville said, according to a Rotary club meeting taped.

No we don’t shit you About any of this.

Take care Ron Johnson because here comes coach Senator Tubby, who is going to steal the stupidest Republican football right out of your hand! And probably throw it into Vanderbilt’s end zone somehow!

Bless this man’s heart, OPEN THREAD.

[Business Insider / AP]

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